“A Cold Day in May”

AT Day 46

Miles: 18.61

Total Miles: 853.78

(Porters Gap [tent])

I don’t know what it was–whether it was something in my body or something that was in the air–but I was *not* feeling it last night and this morning! Dragged myself through the latter part of yesterday, and don’t know how I would have made it through those last few miles to camp if I hadn’t stopped by the river crossing to make a black tea. Hated having caffeine that late in the afternoon, but my body and my brain just weren’t having it!

Then this morning, I felt much the same. It rained somewhat steadily last night, and sounded like it was going to keep on into the morning. But Leo and I were able to break camp without any rain, and for the rest of the day it just threatened to rain without ever actually doing it. Even without rain however, the four miles to Leo’s car this morning felt like a slog. They went by quickly, but I was feeling like sh*t.

Leo was only with me for these last three days; he’s done long thru hikes before, but not much on the AT, although he lives near the trail in South Carolina (or maybe it’s North?). But he had shuttled south so that we had his car at the road crossing for State Route 60. That made it super convenient for me to be able to get into town and back to trail with comparative ease, next to all the other times I’ve had to hitch.

As we were driving into town, I was looking for a motel to stay at for the night. I felt like I needed to have a day off the trail. My soul was empty, and I needed to refresh. But long story made short, we ended up just showering, doing laundry, getting lunch, and resupplying with relative quickness, and after that, I basically felt ready to come back to trail. It’s literally amazing what a shower and laundry can do for your soul when you’ve been on trail for this long. I felt like a completely different person.

Leo brought me to this upscale fast-food place (if such a place can be imagined) called Cook-Out. He described it more like In-N-Out, which I’m not overly fond of, but I’ll give it to him on this one–for BS food, it was pretty awesome. Prices were good too. I liked it enough that I asked him to swing me by for one more double-bacon-cheeseburger after I’d finished my resupply at Kroger.

Remembered to get that second round of burger… forgot to get propane to cook my pasta for this segment… sometimes I’m not a smart man.

Was weird sitting in there as they played religious music. That part caught me off guard. Leo pointed out that it probably wasn’t a good place to be having a conversation about cocaine (for the record, I was remarking that I quite dislike the sh*t, but still). After being in the woods and on trail for this long, it’s easy to forget social norms or that there are other people around in towns. I’ve made this mistake many times before, and I’m sure that I’ll make it again.

After all the town goodness, Leo brought me back to trail and headed back home. It felt weird being back on trail alone after he drove off. Strange as it seems even to me, I felt sort of like I did 10 years ago when my friend Morgan dropped me at the PCT trail head and drove off on a dirt road, leaving me there alone. That feeling was there at the start of the CDT too.

It was good to have Leo on trail with me for the weekend. That was by far the longest I’ve shared the AT with another hiker. He was here for 51 miles. And it felt so different hiking with someone else. It was nice having someone else to reference the maps and help to plan out water and camping and whatnot. Like I said, he’s thru hiked, so he knows the game. So it was a nice break to put some of the planning in his hands as we worked our way up trail and towards his car.

But I think that at my heart, I’m a solo hiker. I just seem to do better independently. I didn’t notice it after he was gone, but once I was back alone, I felt my pace was different, that my breaks were different, that my eating schedule was different. Although I will say, the place I found camp tonight is super prime, and would have been great for the two of us, as it has a fire pit and lots of space; Leo had mentioned that he wanted to make a fire, but neither night would have been conducive to it.

I felt so much better after getting back to trail compared to how I’d been feeling last night and this morning. Not at all because Leo wasn’t here anymore; that had nothing to do with it. I authentically missed having him. But the shower, clean clothes, and fed belly made a bigger difference than I was expecting. I was only shooting for 10 miles or so after getting back to trail, but ended up with almost 15 (plus the 4 from before the resupply).

And all afternoon I felt that better flow in my step. Barely cared at all about the miles as they passed or the climb as it kept creeping up.

In fact, today I did something that I don’t know if I’ve done yet on the AT. I stopped beside a stream, checked to see if I needed any water, which I did not, and then I just dropped pack and hung out for about 15 minutes. Did some pushups. At a protein cookie. Lounged with my back agains a rock, and mostly just listened to the stream. It was glorious. I’m going to do stuff like that more often.

I’ve decided that no matter how many days it takes me to hike the AT, when people ask how long it took, I’m going to tell them this: “Not long enough.”

I feel changed after some of the things that have taken place the last 10 days or so. Trail Days was part of it. Meeting a cute girl was part of it. A couple profound psychedelic trips have been part of it. Time has been part of it.

There’s been a lot.

But the point is that I feel different hiking lately compared to how I felt at the beginning of the trail. I believe in magic in ways that I didn’t before.

There’s heavy rain in the forecast for tomorrow. I won’t be surprised if it arrives tonight. It’ll likely stretch into the following day. So I’m going to do what I can to stay warm and dry tomorrow (god help my feet, which will be soaked), then I should be in my next resupply town the day after (Wednesday). I have a couple things I ordered from Amazon to be delivered to this next town, Waynesboro, but I think I’m going to get there before they arrive. So I’ll resupply, continue on up trail into the national park, and then hitch back in the coming days to get my packages. Used to be that kind of inconvenience would have stressed me. Now I don’t care so much. I think it has to do with the fact that these kinds of arrangements were a lot harder on the PCT and CDT. Out here on the AT it’s all fairly simple.

Other notes I have for today:

Another hiker commented that my hair has grown long. It’s longer than I’ve ever grown it in my life, and I need a hair band to keep it out of my eyes most of the day. Still very much getting used to it. Not sure how long it’ll stay.

Met a hiker named SAR Man (Search and Rescue). Told him that some people like him saved my life in Montana and that I really appreciated the work that he does. He said that he understands.

Flirted with a girl named Boots over text on a couple of times today. Probably should have my head more in the game than in the clouds. But it’s also a fun new energy in my life right now, and it doesn’t seem to be taking me away from the trail any more than I’m comfortable with. Both of us are excited to see one another in Harper’s Ferry in a couple of weeks from now.

The temps this evening have been cold cold cold. Not sure what’s up with that, but it’s worried me just a little bit. I have a 40 degree quilt now, but I’ve put on my down jacket and am going to use my bag liner tonight as well. I’m hoping that it’s not one of those nights where I’m just awake and shivering all night until sunrise. I’ve had a few of those over the years. Would like to believe it’s too late in the season for it now… but I just don’t know. All I know is that it’s cold. Colder than I expected for this time of year. Cold enough that I can see my breath.

Will write again tomorrow.

Wormwood.