“Shenandoah (S)miles”

AT Day 52

Miles Today: 27.38

AT Mile: 937.7

(Big Meadow Wayside/trailside in tent)

There is some absolutely psychic-level-shit going on in my world right now. I don’t know how else to explain it. They told me before I came out here that there is something magical in Appalachia than what exists in the West. And I understood that I wouldn’t be able to understand what that meant or if the claim held validity until getting out here and walking some miles. Didn’t know how many miles that would end up taking. But from where I sit now, I feel like it took somewhere around 500 or 600 miles, and that’s where things started to shift. I hope they keep moving like this for the rest of the trail. I don’t want this to be simple, short, painless, or easy. I came to this trail looking for something big. “Needing” is a better word for it. I had tried what felt like the other options.

The connection continues to build with Boots. In spite of the distance, we live in this weird age where we all have cell phones and coverage over more than half the trail that I’m walking. Further reinforcement that the AT is not nearly as remote as all the other long trails that I’ve walked before this one. With cell connection, we’ve been able to continue our conversation and connection. It’s been refreshing, romantic, and more intense daily. Things feel like they’re building fast, but through the confines of our distance and the limit on how much time we’ll be able to spend with one another in Harpers next weekend, it feels safe to be in the heat of it as we seem to be.

She’s taken up a lot of my mental space on trail the last ten days or so. More than I let on, and I know that I’m writing about here every day still… At the same time however, I don’t feel her taking me away from the trail. She’s said explicitly that she wouldn’t tolerate my leaving the hike for her; that she wants for me to finish this as much as I do. That feels healthful to me. But we both also wish we could have more time together.

Last night and this morning we talked about how things could play out after the trail… she lives in mother fucking Tennissee… God absolutely has a sense of humor. I find myself looking into Asheville, NC, we talk about her moving out west in a few years (two kids and that makes things complicated).

But I bring it up to contextualize that a lot of my spiritual/emotional energy has been going towards that. Then this morning I received messages from two ex-romantic connections.

The first I’d only seen one time, just before leaving for the AT. We’d flirted with the idea of picking up after the AT if that felt right, but only got to know one another at such a simple level that it was hard to see much coming from it. I’d reached out to her, closing off the romantic line between us after Trail Days. This was her first time reaching back out, calmly and with closure in her tone. She was grateful, but also resolute in not continuing, and it felt like we were in the same place with things. That felt good for me.

Then, this afternoon as I talked with another hiker about his pups, I got a test from the girl who I was dating for around 10 months, last year. Things never worked out between us because she was just getting out of a long relationship, and I was always trying to lock things with her down into another one. A pattern that I’d developed over time. I didn’t expect that we’d see or speak to one another after I left for the AT; I thought that flame had burned out and was done. I didn’t see how we’d be able to maintain a friendship on the other side.

But to my surprise, she shared that she’d been reading my journals from the beginning of the trail. That she also saw a shift in my tone in these last few hundred miles, and that she was happy to see my relationship with Boots as it unfolds. One of the last things she’d told me in our last time together was that she hoped I’d find my connection out here on trail.

Again, it felt soft, right, and good.

I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing with these journals at the beginning of this hike. It felt like shooting out into the dark, like trying to do something, but not knowing what it was that I was trying to do.

Now they mean a lot to me, and hearing from the others who are reading, moves me even more. It validates that this stupid idea of giving up my entire life, nearly at the age of 40, to walk a dirt trail for half the year, might actually be worth what I’ve put into it.

—

I’ve already mentioned several times in previous journals that I’ll be taking a break from hiking next weekend while Boots visits and that as such, I’m incentivized to slow my miles down to around 20 per day.

That gave me reason to roll into Big Meadow Wayside with a casual stroll this afternoon, just as I had at the camp store, a couple of hours before. At the camp store I ate more ice cream bars than I needed and also chose to spend $12 on a massive bag of kettle corn. Sat there eating the ice cream without any hurry, and wandered down trail for at least an hour eating all that pop corn today over the course of two sessions. A few day hikers commented on it, saying that it seemed like I had the right idea. I said something about having been to a lot of rodeos before this one…

When I got to Big Meadow Wayside I of course had to have another blackberry milkshake, but I also timed it right for a lunch stop. The only real protein that they had on the menu (other than a smash burger, which really isn’t that much protein) was on the children’s menu–it was chicken tenders.

I walked over to the beer cooler, grabbed an NA beer, brought it to the counter, and started to order, before the cashier interrupted me.

“You can’t buy that here.” She said. “Have to buy alcohol at the other counter.” She pointed to the other register, by the gift shop.

“But this isn’t alcohol.”

“Doesn’t matter. You have to buy it over there.”

“Okay then. I’ll pay for this afterwords. In the meantime, can I place an order for children’s chicken tenders and a blackberry milkshake?”

She hesitated before asking if I wanted either milk or apple juice with the chicken tenders. I looked over at the NA beer. “I don’t suppose that I can choose ‘beer’ as my beverage with that children’s meal?”

“No, sir. You’re going to have to pay for the beer at that other counter.”

“Let’s do apple juice.”

Before changing the topic however, can we all just take a moment to acknowledge that the highest protein option on the menu at these waysides is “kids” chicken tenders. Do adults just not need protein, since we’re not “growing bodies”? Or am I just over thinking all of this.

I don’t know… working in health and fitness these last couple of years has really done a number on my perceptions of the food and beverage industry in our country. And no, this is not a “shame on fat people” thing, or anything of the like. I’m far more in the camp of being disappointed by the systems we have in place that keep people uneducated about their food choices, subsidies sugar and refined foods, and makes whole foods (not the proper noun) hard to find and/or cost prohibitive for the general American consumer… don’t get me started on food deserts… this blog could take a turn if I kept down this path.

—

It took some time for them to get the order out, as it’s a weekend and the park is busier than it might otherwise be. But I didn’t mind the wait. It gave me time to get a quick charge on some of my electronics and to pull out my keyboard and start writing my journal for the day. I’m so much more comfortable writing in my tent at the end of the day than I was at the start of the trail (took some getting used to), but it’s still immensely more comfortable typing while seated at a table or desk like I had there at the wayside.

Those milkshakes though… they have got to be 4-digit calories! They’re just straight up vanilla ice cream, whole-fat milk, and what looks like blackberry puree concentrate. Even with hiking 27 miles today, I feel like these things are going to make me pudgy before Boots gets up here the weekend. I exaggerate a little bit… but still, the thought of most of the consumers of these things being the tourists who are driving here… we are killing ourselves as Americans. I digress…

After I got back to trail from the wayside, there was a big group of high school students and a couple of adults. It looked like they were headed out for a couple of days. Although from what I know about single-digit-day-hikers, it’s that the bigger their pack and gear load, the shorter they’re planning to be out here. As I approached, one of the adults stopped me: “Okay, I’ve got to ask. What’s the deal with the skull?” He was obviously referring to the coyote skull on my pack.

“It’s a coyote,” I said. “I got it from a witch.” As if that explained everything there was to say about the matter.

“Oh,” he replied, seemingly satisfied more as a social convention than in satisfaction with my answer, which must have presented at least as many questions as it answered. I saw one of the girls in the group look at me with a face that read equal parts concern and confusion. Exactly how I think the world anyone in this would is right to look at me at this phase in my life.

At least I know that I’m having fun in it…

—

Had trouble finding camp this evening. I think I heard from someone who had hiked the AT awhile back that there was not much camping in Shanendoah. I ended up hiking later into the night than I have been recently as a result, but that afforded me what may have been the best sunset that I’ve had so far on trail. A mile later there was a SOBO hiker who said that there’s a stealth camp site up there, but I never saw anything.

—

Camped in this little clearing in the bushes on top of a small hill. It’s a tremendously poor campsite, but once again, I’m saved by my tiny tent. Several spots that I’ve camped this last week or so would have been impossible with my old Fly Creek. So I’m stoked to have made the switch. I’m also getting more efficient at setting it up and breaking it down, which is good, since I still have a lot of miles and a lot of camps ahead.

Tomorrow I’ll have 6 miles to a road crossing that will lead me into a town for resupply. I honestly don’t even know the name of the town right now. I think it starts with an L… There’s no plan for me to stay there, but I’d like to clean up and get a few food items before finishing out the park. There will also be a wayside tomorrow evening if I remember correctly.

Loving this whole no-30-mile-day thing that I’ve been up to lately. Hope it can continue. But also enjoyed getting a bit above 20 today for the first time in about a week.

Life on the trail is good. Falling into a strange relationship with a witchy girl that I met beside a campfire has been fun. All these waysides and food choices is glorious. Hearing from old contacts has felt moving.

Gratitude.

Wormwood.