“I Like New York”

AT Day 78

Miles Today: 25.40

AT Mile: 1429.9

(Canopus Lake Beach Shelter [tent])

It was hard for me to say, but I needed to say it. I was feeling too much burden from the guilt, and I couldn’t let it continue to stand unspoken. So I said it again.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

It was hard, but I needed to say it.

Plinko and I have been hiking around and with one another for a couple of weeks now. He’s a much faster hiker than I am, and I’ve felt like I’m holding him back. He’s told me that’s not the case and that he enjoys hiking together, but it was still getting under my skin, feeling like I’m causing him to slow his hike.

Plinko took a moment, then said directly: “Dude. I wouldn’t be hiking with you if I didn’t enjoy the company.” He paused, probably to let the point sink in. “Trust me–if I didn’t I’d be miles ahead by now.”

It made the point, and I let it go after we’d talked. But the point was that I was feeling guilt about slowing him down. I knew that he could be a hundred miles ahead now if he wanted, but we were still hiking together, and I was about to ask him to slow down even more, so that we could spend a few days hiking with Boots and taking a zero off trail with my friend Hemlock from the CDT.

—

This is to say that Plinko and I are still hiking together, and although Stranger blasted ahead of us in Greenwood Lakes, and even though he’s got 10 miles on us now, we all seem to be sticking together. Even Stranger messaged me yesterday to remind me that he shipped his shoes to Hemlock’s place and that he’d need to reconnect with us within the week to get them.

So who knows… maybe we’ll all three be together in the end.

It’s hard to say with Stranger. He’s a hard mother fucker. And I mean that in the best of ways. But he’s straight out of the marines, and he likes to GRIND on trail. His gear is heavy and his determination is strong. I really like that about him. Thank God we didn’t meet when I was younger. I might have fed off that energy from him at an earlier stage in my life. At this point maybe I know who I am better and I don’t need to follow his lead. But I respect him still. Tremendously. He’s a really solid dude!

—

Plinko and I started to trail this morning and planned on getting big miles. We did well, but the elevation profile of New York is a different game than what we’ve been seeing the last couple of states. The climbs are big and aggressive, but the rewards are good too. I really like the state so far.

Plinko passed me at one point this morning and said it as simply as could be said: “I like New York.” I’m aware that’s almost the state motto, but I kind of like that he said it spontaneously and avoided the word “love.”

We’ve both loved it out here, but we needed to make the point in a way that didn’t just sound like a cliche. I like New York too.

—

Boots was going to join us at mile 10 today, but it took awhile to get through traffic and she ended up joining at mile 20. We hiked about 5 miles together to camp.

Getting to see her was envigorating. It was also heavy though. It brought me to a good place first, but after that NRE feeling had passed, it brought me to reality. The reality was that I feel weight from our relationship. I care for her tremendously and say that without reservation or doubt of it. I care for her tremendously. That comes with a burden though. It’s hard for me not to take on some of her stresses as I envite her into my life.

Hemlock and Boots met us at mile 20 and it was great to see both of them. I hadn’t seen Hemlock since the CO/WY border in 2019! Holy shit… I can’t believe it’s been that long. I was so destracted by Boots that we didn’t even get any pictures with Hemlock!

Which is to say that it was great to see Boots. I do have a special place in my heart for her, no matter how the relationship plays out from here. I like her.

We hung out with Hemlock at mile 20 for around a half hour before he went on his way and we started back to trail–looking to catch up with Stranger and Plinko who were both ahead by now at Canopus Beach Shelter.

—

There are a lot of us camped at the shelter tonight. Boots and I are sharing a tent, and several people have camped in the shelter itself.

Tomorrow we have about 10 miles to get to the road where Hemlock will pick us up.

We’ll do the half day tomorrow, Zero on Sunday, then drop Boots off on Monday before coming back to trail.

It’s been immeasurably good to have her back in my physical space. I do like her. Tremendously.

There’s no denying that it brings me away from the trail though. Boots lived a hard life before this chapter. The chapter I met her in might be the chapter I needed to meet her in. She’s recoveeering and healing from a lot of trauma that would have turned others into bad people; it hasn’t done that to her though. Somehow she’s become a good person throughout it all, and it seems like I might be meeting her at one of the better stages of her life. She might be meeting me in one of the better stages of mine too. Still, there is no denying that we both come with burdens from our past.

Tomorrow we have 10 miles on trail. It’ll be some of the longest AT miles that Boots has seen, and I look forward to seeing how she responds to the adversity of it. I think that theres a lot to learn in how someone responds to adversity. Whether they lean into it and smile during the painful moments, or if they break down within them. Lord knows I’ve probably been both and done both… multiple times a day sometimes. The point remains though–I’m looking forward to getting some more miles with her tomorrow and learning how she responds to the physical challenge of the trail, even if it is only 10 miles to where Hemlock’s picking us up.

I’m also really looking forward to spending some time with Hemlock and his wife Rachael. I’ve yet to meet Rachael in person, but grateful for the opportunity to spend time with them this weekend.

Very tired and needing to get to sleep.

There are still miles to walk tomorrow.

It may rain tonight.

Such a different world than the hot-jungle that was only a few days ago.

Wormwood.